Survivor’s Guilt

What is survivors guilt? I mean I definitely did not think I had this, how could I? I was doing what I loved and so I did not think I had it. Survivors guilt is feelings of guilt for having survived a catastrophe in which others died or did not come out of their injury as well as I did. I think the true definition is more that you survived what others haven’t, but I know people who survived and definitely did not have the outcome I did, so I think I definitely have guilt from that, although it may be deep down and I might not recognize that.

A painting my friend painted for me💚

But Elyse Snipes, a therapist who has The Trailercast podcast I was on helped me understand why I was doing some of the things I was doing like totally overdoing life with a brain Injury, my no excuses attitude and how I was doing it all because of the fact that I can, which is true but she helped me see how it all can also be survivors guilt and I didn’t even recognize it. She helped me reframe a lot and realize it’s ok to take a break, to slow down because I deserve that, my family deserves that and they along with me deserve the best Jessy possible which is a well rested one for sure.

So I definitely think I have survivors guilt. I for now on will be more aware of that, allow myself time to rest and be the best I can be for myself, my husband, my son and friends and family. I will educate myself more on survivors guilt, talk to my psychiatrist about it as well and be aware and understand it’s ok that I survived this and am doing as good as I am and that wasn’t a choice, but it happened and I can be grateful for it and give back to others who suffer a TBI and help others.

Early on in my journey, June 2018 in inpatient rehab.