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Survivors Guilt

I wanted to re share a podcast I was on about a year ago on 11/19/2020.

I am sharing this as its fresh in my mind because I myself am about to listen to it again.

Recently I found out an old friend, someone who was a big part of my life for many years had passed away. I had two of my closest friends tell me, and it was due to a traumatic brain injury. He had two young children.

Why did I survive mine and live? I only have one kid and he’s older. It put me down and in the dumps. I struggled SO much with it, and honestly it still bothers me. I no longer have the survivor guilt I had for a week now that I know the truth that was covered up.

I found out from my sons dad that this old friend did die of a TBI, but secondary to his attempted suicide and a gun shot to the head.

That’s horrible. That’s heartbreaking. It is so sad that he got to that point and felt he had to take his life. Sadly, he survived and ended up with a TBI that then he lost his life from.

But what this whole thing did to me was exactly what Elyse and I had talked about, survivor guilt.

It’s very unfair he’s no longer here. I also find it even more unfair that it was covered up as a TBI when the main issue was suicide, mental health and feeling that alone and lost. That’s a real problem in our society. I feel it often, not to mention I didn’t even know about his funeral and people I thought were my best friends didn’t even reach out about it and came into town from other states. But that’s not the point.

I just wanted to re share the podcast I did before I listen to it again because I honestly don’t remember it. But I know I have survivor guilt, I knew I learned that in this podcast and wanted fo share it again.

You matter. I matter. Suicide is real. Suicide affects so many. Personally it has affected my family and I am sure many people reading this have been affected. Be open about it. You never know who needs to hear the truth and that they are not alone. Be a good friend and reach out to your friends and family. Life is precious. And don’t sugar coat shit and make things up. You never know how your hurting others by doing that, by being honest you could be saving a life and letting others know they are not alone. Mental health is real. Suicide is real. Loneliness is real. Survivor guilt is real. Be real.

By jessymunch826

I am a TBI Survivor and woman who has been through a lot of good and bad. My goal by this blog is to share what I have learned and how life has happened for me and not to me. I have found purpose in it all and am here to share it. I am also sober and quitting drinking was the best choice for me. I will post about TBI, Brain Injury, life, travel, lessons learned and more. I am not a doctor or a nurse, I am a traumatic brain injury survivor who has lived 40 years of life and have an amazing mindset from it all. None of this is medical advice, that is what your doctor is for or 911 if you are having an true emergency and need help right away. I am here for community and to share all I have learned, you never know who it will help. Click on the white title of the blog post to read, just saying in case you might be confused like I am with all this 🤣

4 replies on “Survivors Guilt”

I had survivor’s guilt for quite a while after my heart transplant. I kept asking “why me?” Did I “deserve” to have been saved by a total stranger? It was rough for a while, until I learned none of this was up to me. That it was a divine intervention that saved me. That God still had plans for me …… I also learned that it’s quite narcissistic to think that this event (my life being saved) was all about me ……. what about my family? Other’s lives that I might touch in the future? And, just maybe this was more about the young man that saved my life?

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I can totally see that side as a recipient. Survivors guilt is such a weird thing. I do know my old friend was able to save some others through organ donation which is amazing, I also had a friend who died back in 2006 from an Aneurysm who was able to save so many lives with her organ donations and I think it’s one of the best things and is what I am a donor ever since she passed. Why not save others just like you If for some reason it’s your time to go. I hope you have come to terms with it all, you do deserve it and we never know someone’s true story and struggles ❤️. Glad you are here.


Sorry for your loss. Although you hadn’t been in contact for years, I know his death still hurts. As you have told me before, things happen for a purpose. I believe your purpose is to continue to share your story and be an advocate for others with TBIs. Sending you hugs. Take Care

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Thank you for you kind words. It definitely showed me a lot about how words can really hurt others even if people don’t mean they that way, like avoiding the painful truth and spinning it into something else can be so harmful to others by putting a shadow over the truth. That does not protect or help anyone except maybe yourself. It also showed me truly how not important you can be to others and your feelings. Always learning lessons and just becoming better through it all, good and bad. Thanks for reading and commenting 💚

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